A challenger of mine is dealing with body image, what people say behind her back, thoughts the enemy places in her mind that she is not enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, healthy enough, exercises enough or eats right enough.
I have counseled her well.
because I live it. Because I have lived it, and I almost let those voices have their way with me.
I dared her to do something that I never did myself.
I must put my money where my mouth is.
To put herself unashamedly out there. Just as she was, with nothing to hide. That she would get support and not condemnation.
Because I was scared to death of what people who are not normally in my life or invested in me, would think.
Digest that for a moment. Someone who is not invested in your life, happiness, talks behind your back, is mean, hurtful or spiteful things or skews reality.
You will alter your life for them?
Why do we consider the thoughts of others?
These are photos of a 48-year-old woman who has an auto immune disease and other various things that are complicating her health.
Eventually it will end my life if it's not under control and is rapidly aging my body.
It's not aging with grace, I could handle that, it is a disease that is rapidly trying to take away youth. Making me chronologically older than I am.
That has to change and it IS changing.
That is not graceful, it is not pretty, it is not fun.
What I will say is, you will not hear me whine, complain, bemoan or lament of "why me". That has never entered my vocabulary.
I do not blame God, I do not blame my environment, I do not blame genetics. Although I would like to have a talk with my DNA strands.
It just simply is. It just is that it is.
I prayed for a really long time for someone to help me find answers to something I knew was going dramatically wrong.
I believe all my heart that God sent me to that physician's office that I needed to see.
And I got the answers.
But not all of your answers to prayers are the ones that you want to hear.
Your answers however, are your control. You can either be blessed and grateful. Or you can wallow in self-pity.
I refuse to wallow.
What one thing saved me from being very bad off? According to a Dr. a diet of clean foods, nutritional shake and a take no prisoners attitude.
Win one for a healthy lifestyle.
Have I been sick. Absolutely. Am I hurting, all the time. Do I wish things were different, yes but, I also wish I was a millionaire.
Do I sometimes hate the way I have to eat, yes.
But the alternative is, I can eat whatever I want to eat, whenever I want to eat it, but I need to take the consequences of that action.
I want to be healthy more than I want to be sick.
My last test results were not the greatest. It has to come with a grain of salt because the treatments to try to fix me, also make you a little worse before you get better.
I was expecting it, it wasn't a shock. Did I like it, no. Did it make me sad, absolutely. Especially when you're trying really really hard.
So what does all this mean?
This means that I am doing it for the one's whom are scared to death to be real.
I am doing this because I liked to hide and I am scared to death of doing this, publicly.
But hiding, lying, gossip, innuendo are all things that poisons a soul and shorten your life.
I refuse to let that option be one any longer..
What the difference is, is that I have some amazing family. Pretty spectacular grown-up kids, friends who are always there. Supporters and cheerleaders.
I know whom my friends are and I know who is not.
That was actually kind of a blessing in all this.
And I understand, sometimes people can't handle 'life in your face'.
This is a girl that hid in photographs, behind people and always placed herself in the back of the crowd. Luckily, her height had something to do with it, but she was hiding.
If you're honest with yourself, you could probably remember a time where you hid behind in an object pets dogs or children when the camera made an appearance.
This is a girl who when she was skinny thought she was fat, horrible and ugly. And when she was overweight, never really wanted to see the reality of what was going on.
This is a chick who has been sick. No, I did not mean to rhyme that LOL.
She is newly 48, has a complicated medical history at the moment, has had four children, a complicated twin pregnancy that completely altered my stomach, back and thighs with miles of wide stretch marks.
This is a girl who became ashamed of how her body looked because of those stretch marks.
Because society didn't want to see that. Because women are told they shouldn't have them, but we do.
So I became ashamed of a body that created two lives at one time, spent countless hours in the hospital, having tests, preterm labor, complete bed rest for the entire pregnancy, a terrifying delivery but brought them healthy, kicking and screaming into this world.
What??
Oh the years I have lost because of that lessening thought.
This is a girl who rapidly gained weight because of thyroid/hormone/autoimmune/genome issues/metabolism/malnutrition.
People look at you with contempt, look around you or over you, people shake their heads, and some told me that I just needed to exercise more and eat right.
And many doctors told this girl it was all in her head.
This is a girl who understands that altered body images lead to health consequences, depression, suicide, anorexia, bulimia, you name it, it affects those around you
This is a girl who still has weight to lose and is ok with the process.. She is not giving up. It's been an ongoing theme since April 2012. Some things take time and I must be taking the scenic route.
This is a girl that looks at her stomach and sees the scars from surgeries that saved her life or put her back together.
She is stronger than she ever knew, and she believed that she could, so she did.
This is a girl who just saw a number on the scale that she has not seen in 18 years.
This is 72.6 pounds later.
This is a girl who thinks that life in your 40's and 50's is not the end of the world, you can change your life, and healthy is defined by how your body feels-not a number on a scale.
Why my change in thought?
Because I have a supportive group of Challengers who need me to be active.
I have an amazing accountability team, coaches, and encouraging friends that would not let me fade away…
Don't ever give up.
So this is me, all in.
#BE #BeReal #IBelieveInSecondChances #StrongerThanIKnew #TakeThatShame #IamLiving #WhatISayIAm #fitfortyandfabulous
No comments:
Post a Comment